


Whiskey Lullaby

by FragmentsOfStardust



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Drinking, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14081355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FragmentsOfStardust/pseuds/FragmentsOfStardust
Summary: "I loved him until I died"





	Whiskey Lullaby

May 17th, 2013

 

Dan was on the floor, crying his eyes out and he couldn’t breathe. Phil had done it. He’d finally left. He’d packed his bags and walked out of Dan’s life forever. Dan felt his heart squeeze and he couldn’t believe his life was falling apart the way it was. He’d gone a little crazy, freezing Phil out and being an absolute ass to him. He was guilty. He knew how horrible he’d been but he never thought Phil would leave. Phil had always said he never would. He’d never give up on him. He’d always be there for him. He loved him. 

But he left. And Dan couldn’t breathe. It was impossible. He was nothing without Phil, never had been. Even before they’d met Dan had been a sad excuse for a person. In an unhappy relationship and convincing himself that being a lawyer was the way to go. The perfect way to spend the rest of his life. YouTube wasn’t reliable. Not a real job. He needed something with stability. But then it happened. Phil happened. 

Dan had been depressed and mourning the death of his childhood, spending too much time on his computer watching those ‘funny videos’ as his father called it. He watched Phil’s channel the most. Of course he did. Phil was beautiful. Phil was vibrant and funny and had a smile that made Dan’s monochrome life burst with colors. He commented on every video, every picture. He was determined to let this man know how much his videos had impacted his life. He was content to watch all of Phil’s videos and comment. He was content with that much because he knew, somehow, that Phil would make more videos. Phil would always be there. Dan was fine. He really was. But then Phil responded. And Dan’s world exploded. 

Fragments of himself were scattered around his room and mind. Phil had said they’d probably get along. Phil had followed him and sent him a message, saying they should Skype sometime and he’d put a winky face at the end and Phil was so nice. He was so funny and charismatic and Dan couldn’t breathe in the best way possible. How could he have possibly know that Phil would take ahold of his heart the way he had? How could he have guessed Phil would mean so much to him? It was impossible, the way Dan’s heart yearned for Phil to always be around. Absolutely impossible. And yet, here he was. Broken. 

He knew it was stupid, how could he have let himself be so completely broken by one person? How could he let his emotions be so controlled by one man? How could this happen? 

 

June 25th, 2015

It had been years since Dan had seen Phil, years since his heart had been scattered and tossed in the wind for the buzzards to feed on. Phil had left. Phil hadn’t been around for years. Phil had disappeared from Dan’s life and taken all the happiness and love Dan had ever known with him.  
Dan had dealt with things the best he could. He drank himself to a stupor nearly every night, needing to forget. He couldn’t handle knowing the truth. 

Dan had never been the same and his heart was still bleeding from the wounds. Scabbing over a bit but then Dan would think of Phil’s voice or smile or laugh and the wounds would be fresh, bleeding all over again. He couldn’t take it. His heart was breaking more and more each day and Dan felt like he could die just from the pain. 

 

He decided, very suddenly, that he needed to get away. He needed to escape this pain taking over his heart, mind, and soul. He grabbed some pills, curling up on his bed after he’d taken them. It hurt, of course it did, but Dan put up no resistance to it. He’d needed this, his mind had whispered as he took his last shuddering breath. 

Louise had been the one to find him, three days later. The note he’d left had been simple. 

“I loved him until I died.”


End file.
